Jesus

Jesus Wept

/ One Scary Mom aka middleagedingenue / Leave a comment

 

I am so grateful to the politicians/evangelicals of North Carolina and other states for bringing to the fore the issue of pubic restrooms, who can and cannot use them and why, and how the whole issue is infringing upon the religious freedom and basic rights of so, so many persecuted Christians. Bless their hearts.

Watch the video below to see how this poor family is being denied their freedom of speech and assembly, as well as their freedom of religion while in no way bringing attention to themselves or their beliefs.

 

We also have this lovely gentleman who was initially reported to police in May of 2016 as an active shooter inside an Illinois Target store. Turns out, he too was only a harmless Christian bathroom protester. Police found that he was not carrying a weapon at the time, but his behavior was such that employees and shoppers alike believed he was on the verge of opening fire. These days, better safe than sorry.

Some of Tennessee’s state “Republican” lawmakers are currently in talks about whether to call a special session specifically to address this issue. No libtard President is gonna tell THEM what to do! In particular Glen Casada, who told reporters “This is not a dictatorship. This is a republic.”  No, Mr. Casada – you are merely a fanatic who is trying every trick in the book to turn the U.S. is a theocracy.  And all this in direct conflict with the Governor’s view of the issue. So much time and money to waste, Tennessee.  Shame on you!

I know not everyone who identifies as Christian believes or behaves like the extremists mentioned above. Especially over an issue that has been present in society since the dawn of mankind. It has to do with chromosomes and biology, which is science and therefore, evil.  For some bizarre reason, (not getting their way regarding same-sex marriage and being able to discriminate in the name of God, therefore pouting and throwing a hissy fit) these folks have chosen this particular and quite frankly, imaginary “problem” to be the focus of their wrath and energy.  Stirred up by Josh Duggar’s – admitted incestuous child molester and adulterer – former employer and recognized hate group The American Family Association, their followers (homophobes) were instructed to boycott Target stores. Something I was actually looking forward to – shopping at Target and acting like a total heathen. Wait, I do that regardless. Anyway, a simple boycott wasn’t enough for these Super Christians. They had to protest! Right there in the pit of vipers known as Target. Making their way through the multitudes of hellbound sinners, judging and condemning every step of the way.

Unfortunately, these are the kinds of displays of ignorance that are driving people away from organized religion in droves and cast an unflattering light of bigotry and hate upon the Christian faith. By ignorance, I mean first and foremost having no understanding of what being transgender even means. Hint – it is not a mental disorder. The psychiatric community at one time gave it a classification to obtain a filing code ONLY so insurance companies would pay for associated treatments.  By believing that all of our LGBT friends, family, and others are pedophiles, that our transgender brothers and sisters somehow “chose” the lifestyle with the sole objective of hiding in public restrooms, stalking their next tiny little victim. Fact: there have been ZERO reported cases of a transgender person ever even attempting to commit such a crime. Straight men – yes, indeed. Actually, a transgender person is much more likely to be assaulted by (latent) homophobes. Ignorance about the fact that this nonsense legislation would be unenforceable. Ignorance when your elected officials, by mixing church and state in an attempt to impose their will and control everyone, are getting themselves into civil rights predicaments that are not likely to have a positive outcome for anyone living in those states. Fiscally responsible?HA!!!  Those predicaments involve money. Be honest – isn’t money more important than God?  Bigots who seem to have forgotten the 1960s, segregation, and the Jim Crow era. Ignorant because they are too blinded by hypocrisy, self-righteousness, and sanctimony to see how ridiculous they are. Marching around Target, screaming at the top of their lungs, telling everyone they are going to hell, waving what I assume is a Bible, although it looks more like a DVD to me, and acting as judge, jury, and (oh, how they wish) executioner – I doubt that kind of behavior would fall into the category of “Thing Jesus Would Do.” In fact, it leads me to doubt the faith in general of the demonstrators. They must believe that God is somehow weak and ineffective, that he needs the help of loud mouth “warriors” to assist him in doing his job. What happened to “Give it to God”? Not showing a lot of trust and faith there, are we?

First, take the plank out of your own eye…

Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t the term “Christian” defined as “a follower of Jesus Christ and his teachings”?  Fact: Jesus is not recorded as saying one word about sexual preference or gender identity. He did, however, have plenty to say about divorce and adultery. With the divorce rate in the U.S. hovering somewhere around the 50% mark, why are we not seeing protest rallies about THAT sin when it is much more prevalent and does so much harm to families and children? Curious, huh?

You know what else Jesus said? That prayer and good deeds should not be a public spectacle, that they should be done in secret.

Matthew 6: 3-6

 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Not a lot of that going on. Don’t be like the hypocrites, now.

Probably the most simple and to the point instruction from Jesus – so simple that even the most willfully ignorant, uneducated, illiterate, or misguided among us is able to understand, is this three-word gem.

Love one another.

I don’t believe this ginned up crusade about public restrooms has anything whatsoever to do with where someone goes to pee. It is the next in a long line of “causes” that fundamentalist evangelicals, bigot, and hypocrites seize onto to make themselves appear superior, powerful, and in control of everyone. Stroking their own egos. Considering the state of the world today, wouldn’t you believe that God has more important issues on his plate than getting his Holy panties in a wad over where someone takes a piss.  Really….

My advice to the state governments, “spiritual” leaders, and their flocks – Mind your own business. You should have enough to worry about keeping your own self right with God. Your meanness is not going to change anyone, convert anyone, or save anyone.  If you believe what the Bible says about final judgment, then you know at that point, it is ultimately a mano e mano situation. None of your business.

Now don’t get me wrong. I believe everyone has the right to worship any way they see fit. That usually does not involve being arrested for disturbing the peace and being a public nuisance, though. As an American who believes in the 1st Amendment, and that everyone should be treated fairly and with respect, I would be the first one to stand up next to anyone and fight for their 1st Amendment rights. I don’t have to agree with it, however.  I believe religion is a personal and private choice and the Constitution guarantees that right.

Thanks, once again, North Carolina, Tennessee, and all the other defiant crackpot states for drawing this element out of the woodwork so they have another opportunity to show the public their true colors.  We all need to be reminded of what we are living among once in a while.

We know the solution to every problem faced in the U.S. – MORE GUNS!

Seriously, the solution is simple: exclusive restrooms for bigot and homophobes.

 

 

Have Yourself A Merry Little Cocktail. Then Mix One For Me -A Festive Rant

/ One Scary Mom aka middleagedingenue / Leave a comment

I’m doing rewrites on classic holiday songs…..

Nope

Not really.  But I am finally coming out. I’m letting the world know my secret.

< deep breath>

I hate Christmas.

With the white hot intensity of one thousand suns. There are so many reasons. First of all, I can barely get through the stresses of a normal day – add to that all the extras that have to get done during the holiday season, and I am the Grinch +Scrooge x Elmira Gulch.

I’m Santa’s Little Bitchface.

It hasn’t always been this way. Of course, like any child, I loved Christmas. Now I know that was because I didn’t have to do jack shit but stay home from school, eat tons of food made by possibly the two best cooks in the universe, open presents, and play with my friends and new toys.

I loved Christmas when The Kid was small and she was so excited about everything. I decorated every room. Outside as well. Front and back. Put up 4 trees. Mantel, staircase,  you name it. Hosed down with the Christmas spirit.  The Kid loved it. She did NOT, however, tolerate the Mall Santa.  Avoided him like the plague. Didn’t trust him.  Thought he was pervy she later told me. So no Santa’s lap photos.

Now she’s a very sensitive, highly intelligent, goth-ish, teen-aged writer who wants only iTunes cards and money. Still wants the tree, though. So there’s still a spark of hope that she doesn’t turn out like Mom.

Don’t get me wrong. I still love the spirit of giving, sharing, kindness, and gratitude and the nostalgia the season brings. Honestly, though, if you look around, that is in pretty short supply.  There are assholes everywhere, and not just during The Season.  And I can’t whip up holiday cheer for everyone, now can I?

 

spoileralert

Everywhere!

 

As the years go by, times change. Roles change. Circumstances change. Attitudes as well.

My husband’s Christmas duties have always consisted of dragging the fake tree from the closet and hauling it out of the box. He puts up the stand, attaches the top half of tree to bottom half of tree. Plugs it into the power strip. And he gets out the boxes of decorations from storage for me. He purchases my gift online, so he’s finished shopping. Done. Off to watch football, basketball, hockey, Greco-Roman wrestling, whatever competition is on at the time.

Every other Christmas-y thing is done by yours truly.  All of it. From fluffing the limbs on the fake tree (or as we call it “ecologically friendly”) that has been crammed into a box for a year, to all the lists, scheduling, and planning. Christmas cards, cooking, gift ideas, shopping, wrapping, decking and undecking the halls. And there are always those last minute odds and ends. Plus, The Kid is home and sooooo boarddddd!

The truth is I’m too old for this shit.

 Things I Literally Cannot With Christmas

  • Radio and Retail Christmas Music – Those god forsaken stations that play constant holiday tunes from Thanksgiving until well into the New Year. They always rotate the same 20 songs, recorded by every musician – living or dead.   I swear to god they have 250 renditions of Sleigh Ride and they play one every other song. After about 10 minutes, I want to gore Santa in the gut with a reindeer rack.
  • That “War on Christmas” bullshit that Fox “news” created and the gullible  “victims” who lap up. It never fails to pop up every freaking year. Listen to me and listen to me GOOD. When I no longer see Christmas shit in stores in SEPTEMBER, then talk to me about a goddamn war on Christmas. And this year, bless your hearts, your fake War on Christmas outrage should be the least of you worries. Get over it! Jesus can take care of himself. He doesn’t need your help. Now, make yourself useful and find me a parking spot at the mall, bake me some cookies, and a festive cocktail would be nice, thanks.
  • Same with the “Putting Christ back in Christmas” crap. Fine. Just put your money where your nonsense yammering mouth is.  I hate to break it to you, but Christmas is essentially a pagan holiday. Read a freaking book, why don’t you?  Start with the Bible’s conflicting stories about the  birth of Christ – read those.

sign

  • The same with that “We say Merry Christmas” absurdity.  My thought –  say whatever you want. I support the First Amendment and will embrace it as long as it’s still part of our Constitution, which may not be much longer.  But don’t expect me to respond in kind. You should be elated if I even make eye contact this time of year. Because of this manufactured outrage, you will NEVER get a “Merry Christmas” out of me. You have ruined that greeting. We say Happy Holidays, if you’re lucky and catch me in a good mood. Because, guess what?  Not everyone celebrates Christmas. Shocking, I know.  Because we, being Southern and enjoying our economic phrases, think saying Happy Holidays is more efficient and covers more ground – Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, Solstice, Boxing Day, and the New Year.
  • The unmitigated greed.  Put Christ in Christmas, my ass.  Who took him out in the first place?  Until there are no more Black Friday Walmart brawls or mobs at the mall from Thanksgiving until Christmas Eve, scrounging and fighting over junk made overseas by exploited children who work for pennies a day, then shut up.  It’s sickening (and NOT in the spirit of Christ) to see people spending so much money they don’t have on so many things they don’t need when so many people do without everyday necessities. How about giving to those who really need help?  What would Jesus do?  I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be punching a complete stranger over some cheap Walmart towels, standing in line at Old Navy for 45 minutes to buy a $10 sweater,  or going into debt over a $400  F-15 ride-on toy.
  • Other People’s Shitty Decorations – You know those people who just sling lights willy nilly on their leafless trees? Lazy asses. When the lights are plugged in, they look like a lazy ass just slung up lights willy nilly.  I also hate those damned inflatables. That, my friends, is cheating. And could someone PLEASE tell me what in hell Disney characters have to do with Christmas?  And explain to me the people who dress up their vehicles to resemble reindeer?  I’m at a loss.
  • I hate decorating. Going through all those boxes, sorting, placing. Then, a few weeks later, taking them all down, wrap them, sort them, and place them back in the boxes. The dog is the only one in the house who seems remotely interested in the process, and I know it’s because some of his ornaments are made out of Milk Bones.
  • I hate all the sweets. I am an admitted sugar addict.  I do pretty well controlling my addiction on my own, but my mother may as well be a drug dealer – she’s the Walter White of Christmas goodies. She makes at least 3 kinds of fudge, bourbon balls, chocolate covered cherries, date balls, at least 4 varieties of cookies,  and several cakes. Plus, the woman is an extraordinary cook. She is evil. Get behind me, Satan!
  • The Marathon – We live 90 minutes from my family. On the 23rd, we all go up (and I mean all – me, my husband and kid, my brother, another brother, his wife and two boys. Plus four dogs. And the parents.  Ten people all cram into our small family home, sleeping anywhere we can find a spot. Then we all get up and have “Christmas Morning” just like we did when we were 9, 7, and 1. Or at least my mom thinks that’s how it is. We do it for her, because we love her and want her to be happy. Later that day, it being Christmas Eve, we drive back home, eat our traditional meal of homemade nachos, have our always-abbreviated family gift exchange, and sometimes we watch a classic horror film. Rosemary’s Baby is my personal favorite. Up early Christmas morning, and back on the road for the extended family celebration and meal at noon. Then back home. Again. By now we have made that 90 minute trek four times. It is at this point when I usually cut myself off from civilization and hunker in a corner with Netflix, the left-over tortilla chips, and a bottle of Jack Daniels, rocking and muttering to myself.

However, it’s a love/hate relationship we have, me and Christmas.  Well, just me. 

  • About that ubiquitous holiday music – sometimes I catch myself singing along. Especially to the Carpenter’s Merry Christmas, Darling.  Don’t tell anyone, but I can nail that song, if I can make it through without crying.
  • I actually like the history of how Christmas came to be celebrated. It gives me hope knowing that two vastly different religions could come together to create one holiday that encompasses both their traditions. You may say I’m a dreamer…
  • I really like shopping, as long as someone else drives.  Also because I usually follow the “One for you, one for me” shopping format.
  • I enjoy admiring other people’s decorations and all the effort they put into their displays.  Actually, it’s a family tradition to drive around listening to holiday music and admiring all that hard work and creativity. But not the inflatables. I draw the line.
  • I love that the Dude likes to hang out with me and sniff the tree and all the decorations. I know he’s remembering.  It’s like having a perpetual 3-year-old. I also love those precious, quiet moments when The Kid and I sit by the tree with the lights out. We actually talk and bond and I wouldn’t trade those times for anything.
  • Cooking is my mother’s way of showing love. And she really loves us.  I always end up eating the sweets anyway, and feeling like shit when my blood sugar goes haywire. But it’s once a year, right?  And who among us can resist homemade boiled custard and bourbon?
  • Our family is very fortunate to be so large and so close. Everyone loves each other, gets along well, and no one fights or gets drunk and makes a spectacle of themselves. Unless politics comes up in conversation. Then I cannot take responsibility for my behavior.
  •   Elf.  We watch religiously, as well as the Christmas Story marathon on TBS. We’ll  also be adding Krampus to the list.  I’m also partial to the obscure HBO special, Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas.  It’s a sweet, backwoods retelling of O’Henry’s The Gift of the Magi.  Watch it on Amazon Prime for free. There is also a special place in my heart for The Homecoming – the Waltons’ introduction to network t.v. They showed it every Christmas Eve when I was a kid.  It’s rare to find it these days. We have a VHS copy.  It’s touching and highly quotable.

While there are many aspects of the holiday season that do pluck my last nerve, I’m still not so cynical and jaded that I can’t extract some joy from all the commercialized, blasphemous chaos. I have not yet gone full-on Ebenezer.

Cheers and Happy Holidays!

And Cheers!