Month: May 2016

We Need A Break….

/ One Scary Mom aka middleagedingenue / 1 Comment

bepeas

 

As I mentioned in an earlier post, Nashville, Tootsie’s,  And Handing Someone Their Ass,  I recently did the tourist thing in my hometown with a bunch of out of town friends. Yes we took our turns on a sin wagon.  Wandering from venue to venue, I noticed something. Every band that had a female singer did a rendition of “Goodbye, Earl”. You remember –  that song by the Dixie Chicks on their Fly album released in 1999. 1999, the good old days before a person with a vagina would never have the audacity to express a personal political opinion. Oops. Natalie Maines happened to express her disagreement with W’s ginned up war and then all hell broke loose.”Shut up and sing!” Country music fans had a conniption fit, radio stations stopped playing their music sometime in 2003, because ‘Murica!  Many of the ex-fans had to take to their fainting couches due to an attack of the vapors. What an idiotic fiasco, especially when you consider how these very same “patriots” behaved when the U.S. elected its first bi-racial president. Twice. Take a look at Charlie Daniels Facebook page sometime. No really. He posts the most hateful, racist, borderline treasonous vitriol. And I don’t see anyone burning his sucky CDs in the street. He is such a hypocrite, I’d be afraid to stand any closer than 10 feet from him. I would expect a lightening strike at any time. Two words for him, his grunts, and all the anti-Chick losers out there: ignorant hypocrites. But I digress.

Back to the point.  Every music venue plays the song, either live or on piped in music. That’s when I began to notice a curious phenomenon.

When the song begins, every woman in the place first screamed with excitement. All of us. Girls there for 21st birthdays, bachelorette parties, 30th, 40th, 50th birthday celebration. Women who ran the complete gamut.  All women. No men.

And every single one of them (my group included) sang at the top of their lungs, every single word of that song. Some of those girls were barely out of diapers when Earl had to die.  It’s a great song. It’s many people’s go-to karaoke song (this writer included). So clever, upbeat, fun, and with a happy ending!

What I found so interesting was the fact that Goodbye, Earl – a 17-year-old song about two best friends poisoning and disposing of the body of a wife-beating domestic abuser – seems to resonate with so many women.

Why do you think that is?

Is it because we all have a man in our lives we’d like to kill sometimes?  Is it because women, despite all the advances we have made, are still treated like second-class citizens, as some politicians of a certain religious bent want nothing more than to walk us back to the 1800s. The weaker sex, my ass. Is it because actual restraining orders and the like are ever truly enforced? Domestic abusers are pretty much allowed to run wild and free, even after a police report is filed. Fact: Law enforcement is supposed to confiscate the firearms of these guys. Do they?  The only answer anymore is MORE GUNS! ” If that woman had owned a gun, that never would have happened.”  I can hear them now. Is it as simple as the fact that women love the idea of having at least one friend close enough to help them dispose of a body, if necessary.  We do treasure our girl friends.

I suppose the answer lies in the grey areas between all of the above. Or maybe it’s simply a subconscious fantasy all females share. Passed down through our DNA.

In the mean time, I have the most delicious recipe for black-eyed peas. Hit me up if you’d like it.

Jesus Wept

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I am so grateful to the politicians/evangelicals of North Carolina and other states for bringing to the fore the issue of pubic restrooms, who can and cannot use them and why, and how the whole issue is infringing upon the religious freedom and basic rights of so, so many persecuted Christians. Bless their hearts.

Watch the video below to see how this poor family is being denied their freedom of speech and assembly, as well as their freedom of religion while in no way bringing attention to themselves or their beliefs.

 

We also have this lovely gentleman who was initially reported to police in May of 2016 as an active shooter inside an Illinois Target store. Turns out, he too was only a harmless Christian bathroom protester. Police found that he was not carrying a weapon at the time, but his behavior was such that employees and shoppers alike believed he was on the verge of opening fire. These days, better safe than sorry.

Some of Tennessee’s state “Republican” lawmakers are currently in talks about whether to call a special session specifically to address this issue. No libtard President is gonna tell THEM what to do! In particular Glen Casada, who told reporters “This is not a dictatorship. This is a republic.”  No, Mr. Casada – you are merely a fanatic who is trying every trick in the book to turn the U.S. is a theocracy.  And all this in direct conflict with the Governor’s view of the issue. So much time and money to waste, Tennessee.  Shame on you!

I know not everyone who identifies as Christian believes or behaves like the extremists mentioned above. Especially over an issue that has been present in society since the dawn of mankind. It has to do with chromosomes and biology, which is science and therefore, evil.  For some bizarre reason, (not getting their way regarding same-sex marriage and being able to discriminate in the name of God, therefore pouting and throwing a hissy fit) these folks have chosen this particular and quite frankly, imaginary “problem” to be the focus of their wrath and energy.  Stirred up by Josh Duggar’s – admitted incestuous child molester and adulterer – former employer and recognized hate group The American Family Association, their followers (homophobes) were instructed to boycott Target stores. Something I was actually looking forward to – shopping at Target and acting like a total heathen. Wait, I do that regardless. Anyway, a simple boycott wasn’t enough for these Super Christians. They had to protest! Right there in the pit of vipers known as Target. Making their way through the multitudes of hellbound sinners, judging and condemning every step of the way.

Unfortunately, these are the kinds of displays of ignorance that are driving people away from organized religion in droves and cast an unflattering light of bigotry and hate upon the Christian faith. By ignorance, I mean first and foremost having no understanding of what being transgender even means. Hint – it is not a mental disorder. The psychiatric community at one time gave it a classification to obtain a filing code ONLY so insurance companies would pay for associated treatments.  By believing that all of our LGBT friends, family, and others are pedophiles, that our transgender brothers and sisters somehow “chose” the lifestyle with the sole objective of hiding in public restrooms, stalking their next tiny little victim. Fact: there have been ZERO reported cases of a transgender person ever even attempting to commit such a crime. Straight men – yes, indeed. Actually, a transgender person is much more likely to be assaulted by (latent) homophobes. Ignorance about the fact that this nonsense legislation would be unenforceable. Ignorance when your elected officials, by mixing church and state in an attempt to impose their will and control everyone, are getting themselves into civil rights predicaments that are not likely to have a positive outcome for anyone living in those states. Fiscally responsible?HA!!!  Those predicaments involve money. Be honest – isn’t money more important than God?  Bigots who seem to have forgotten the 1960s, segregation, and the Jim Crow era. Ignorant because they are too blinded by hypocrisy, self-righteousness, and sanctimony to see how ridiculous they are. Marching around Target, screaming at the top of their lungs, telling everyone they are going to hell, waving what I assume is a Bible, although it looks more like a DVD to me, and acting as judge, jury, and (oh, how they wish) executioner – I doubt that kind of behavior would fall into the category of “Thing Jesus Would Do.” In fact, it leads me to doubt the faith in general of the demonstrators. They must believe that God is somehow weak and ineffective, that he needs the help of loud mouth “warriors” to assist him in doing his job. What happened to “Give it to God”? Not showing a lot of trust and faith there, are we?

First, take the plank out of your own eye…

Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t the term “Christian” defined as “a follower of Jesus Christ and his teachings”?  Fact: Jesus is not recorded as saying one word about sexual preference or gender identity. He did, however, have plenty to say about divorce and adultery. With the divorce rate in the U.S. hovering somewhere around the 50% mark, why are we not seeing protest rallies about THAT sin when it is much more prevalent and does so much harm to families and children? Curious, huh?

You know what else Jesus said? That prayer and good deeds should not be a public spectacle, that they should be done in secret.

Matthew 6: 3-6

 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Not a lot of that going on. Don’t be like the hypocrites, now.

Probably the most simple and to the point instruction from Jesus – so simple that even the most willfully ignorant, uneducated, illiterate, or misguided among us is able to understand, is this three-word gem.

Love one another.

I don’t believe this ginned up crusade about public restrooms has anything whatsoever to do with where someone goes to pee. It is the next in a long line of “causes” that fundamentalist evangelicals, bigot, and hypocrites seize onto to make themselves appear superior, powerful, and in control of everyone. Stroking their own egos. Considering the state of the world today, wouldn’t you believe that God has more important issues on his plate than getting his Holy panties in a wad over where someone takes a piss.  Really….

My advice to the state governments, “spiritual” leaders, and their flocks – Mind your own business. You should have enough to worry about keeping your own self right with God. Your meanness is not going to change anyone, convert anyone, or save anyone.  If you believe what the Bible says about final judgment, then you know at that point, it is ultimately a mano e mano situation. None of your business.

Now don’t get me wrong. I believe everyone has the right to worship any way they see fit. That usually does not involve being arrested for disturbing the peace and being a public nuisance, though. As an American who believes in the 1st Amendment, and that everyone should be treated fairly and with respect, I would be the first one to stand up next to anyone and fight for their 1st Amendment rights. I don’t have to agree with it, however.  I believe religion is a personal and private choice and the Constitution guarantees that right.

Thanks, once again, North Carolina, Tennessee, and all the other defiant crackpot states for drawing this element out of the woodwork so they have another opportunity to show the public their true colors.  We all need to be reminded of what we are living among once in a while.

We know the solution to every problem faced in the U.S. – MORE GUNS!

Seriously, the solution is simple: exclusive restrooms for bigot and homophobes.

 

 

Sweet Or Unsweet? That is the (grammatically incorrect) question.

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tea

Something has gone drastically wrong. I can’t pinpoint the exact time, place, or the origin, but things are not right. When it comes to iced tea, that is.

I’m a born and raised Southerner. I am proud of that, despite the bad publicity and negative media of late. All the cooks in my family were Southerners as well. Great cooks. They knew their stuff. And no one wore a white hood in the kitchen. Ever.

So here’s my gripe: When did this differentiation of iced tea become so common?  To any Southerner of a particular age, the term “sweet tea” is redundant. Iced tea, by its very nature, is sweet.  There was no such thing as “unsweet” tea at any of the tables where I, as a child, was blessed to share meals.  Even the most simple iced tea recipes start with two ingredients: water and sugar.

My maternal grandmother made the best tea in the entire South. I’ve never tasted anything that even came close to it. Maybe it had to do with the clear, fresh mountain spring water she used. Or the fact that she worked with loose tea, not bags. It could have been that scant little smidge of baking soda she added to “take out the bitter.”  Of course, for the best iced tea outcome, one must start by making a simple syrup – melting the sugar into the water before you add the tea to steep.  The finished product has to be strong and dark because it will be diluted with water (to taste) and the ice will do the same. It needs to taste like tea, not sweet brown water.  God forbid, DO NOT refrigerate or chill the tea before serving. Not the leftovers either. Chilling tea will make it cloudy and the flavor will be off. Trust me, just don’t.

About the time I was in my early teens, I began to notice something odd when we went to restaurants and someone ordered iced tea. The server would respond “sweet or unsweet?” Although I didn’t have the words to express my reaction at that time, I’m sure I was thinking something along the lines of WTF?  To start with, being a word nerd, I was offended by the incorrect grammar. “Unsweet” isn’t even a word.  “Unsweetened”, yes.  And what is “unsweet tea” anyway? Why not just order water with lemon? It’s basically the same thing.

Today “sweet or unsweet” is ubiquitous.  I understand that people are watching their calorie intake, monitoring their blood sugar, any number of things. I cannot hold that against them. But I must confess when I see someone stirring packets of dry artificial sweetener into their glass, watching the undissolved powder floating around or settling at the bottom of the glass, it grosses me out.  I miss the days when tea was tea.

Don’t get me started on overly sweet cornbread, either. We call that cake where I grew up. Sure, a tablespoon or so in your batter makes for an interesting consistency – it adds a crumbly flakiness. But if you are serving the bread with savory dishes – white beans, greens, fried chicken – the last thing you want to bite into is something that needs to be frosted. It’s an assault on the Southern palate. And forget about crumbling it into a glass and covering it with buttermilk. Cakebread simply doesn’t work.

Yes, I am particular, especially when it comes to preserving our Southern heritage – which to me means food, manners, and a certain fashion sense. The South is a big place, and tastes vary from region to region, so I hope I haven’t offended any of my fellow Southerners. I realize that everyone has a right to their own preferences, but when I order tea, I mean real tea.  If you have to cut out sugar, do it somewhere else.  Don’t eat the cornbread.

 

A Room Of One’s Own

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roomofonesown

“A woman must have money and a room of one’s own if she is to write fiction.“                                – Virginia Woolf, 1929

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Most writers and consumers of the written word are quite familiar with this quote. The words reflect the situation of most creative women in the early 20th century. Although the world is, overall, a better place for women nowadays, I find the statement still to be at least partially true.

I would make these changes to the original quote:

“A woman must have her own money, privacy, time, and a room of one’s own with a lock on the door if she is to be free to create anything that might express her honest feelings, innermost thoughts, or the truth. And maybe consider not showing your work to anyone.”

“A room of one’s own” to me, equates to a place to express yourself freely, without trepidation, distraction, or interruption. Elements that are elusive and rare, especially today.

Assuming one has such a haven for self-expression, God forbid the work falls into the wrong hands; under the eyes of those who aren’t capable or willing to understand the elucidation of the artist’s truth. Eyes of those who possess an underlying agenda or issue that, at its root, has nothing to do with the artist or the work. Writers, as well as all artists, are constantly being scrutinized, judged, blamed, and shamed in today’s society. It is difficult to properly express oneself if we are constantly on guard.

“A prophet is without honor only in his hometown, among his relatives, and in his own home.” – Jesus Christ, Mark 6:4

Those of us with the creative spirit know that we have no choice but to spill our viscera and arrange it in an artistic and aesthetic manner, otherwise, well… being around us will not be a pleasant experience. But if we’re too honest and the entrail arrangement isn’t pleasing enough –  toughen up that skin! Stuff those feelings! Suffer in silence.

Suffer. silence…

When one feels they are being creatively restrained for the sake of others’ feelings or beliefs, imaginary demons, or personal delusions, the artist might become resentful or repressed. Those results have a negative effect on both the artist and the art, particularly if what is being created is therapeutic or cathartic to the artist. We believe what we believe, feel what we feel, love whom we love, we despise what we despise, and express ourselves the only way we know how. That is a truth that cannot be changed. Should not be changed.

“Be truthful, one would say, and the result is bound to be amazingly interesting.” – Virginia Woolf

In Virginia Woolf’s day, women were looked upon differently in society as they are today. Or so it might seem. It was a man’s job to be imaginative, to create fiction? Really? Was it considered a brave thing for a woman to take on such a lofty task as fabricating a story from thin air?

Today, it seems the opposite is true. It is widely acceptable for women to write fiction. In fact, fictional book series seem to be the de rigueur for female authors. But a woman who has written a memoir or journal of her own experiences – I’m thinking of Mary Karr, Patti Smith, Elizabeth Gilbert, and Hyperbole and a Half author genius/blogger Allie Brosh – they seem to have to work a little bit more arduously to be taken as seriously (or to sell as many books) as, say Bill O’Reilly (who actually just makes up shit and people lap it up), Chris Kyle (American Sniper), or the neverending list of male authors of the plethora of tomes about male politicians and other male figures in history.  Even among the examples I have listed, it is difficult for a female author who writes non-fiction not to be accused of navel-gazing or being self-indulgent for telling her story, warts and all. And that sucks.

For us, the modern artist, we still have a choice to make. Be authentic or be careful. Personally, I can’t do both. I’ve never been one not to take risks or speak my mind.

“Freedom and fullness of expression are of the essence of the art.”  – Virginia Woolf