Have you had this experience?  You wake up one morning thinking  “How did I get here?  Who is this person?  Whose body is this?  This is not the life my 25 year old self thought I’d be living”.

Maybe you never have.  Lucky you.

Don’t get me wrong – I love my life – my family, my friends, the security and comfort.  But truth be told, it’s not what I had in mind for myself when I was half this age.  And if you’re honest, you just may be in the same boat.  And that’s perfectly fine.  In fact, it’s more than fine.  It’s great.

When I was younger,  I had a vision for myself.  I always thought I would do something fabulous when I grew up.  I told my high school guidance counselor I wanted to move to New York and be a writer of soap operas.  Imagine how well that went over – small town South, early 1980. Needless to say, unfortunately, that was a path I did not follow.

I’ve also had aspirations of becoming an actor, a filmmaker, a critic, an artist, an activist.  Anything cool and creative. Something that could change people.  While I’ve done some interesting things with my life,  nothing has truly quieted that nagging little voice that keeps on whispering  “if only…”.

Now I find myself  a woman “of a certain age” and still floundering, sort of – wondering what I want to be when I grow up.  I know I’m too old to be the wunderkind – the ingenue. Those days are long gone. But you know what?  Who cares?

I can be creative and find fulfillment in my suburban day-to-day.  I may not have accepted my Best Original Screenplay Oscar at age 25, or won the Pulitzer at 30, but the way I look at it, there’s still time.  I’m not dead yet.  We as humans are meant to be dynamic.  To constantly evolve.  As they say “Change is inevitable”.  Force it.  Embrace it.  Become it.

After some soul-searching and much middle-aged angst, at the tender age of 50, I decided my only option (and hope for sanity) was reinvention.  I’m writing,  I’m creating art.  I cooking, I’m decorating. I’m taking acting classes.  I’m intentionally making myself uncomfortable. Speaking my mind.  Stirring the pot. Putting myself out there.  Stretching.  Growing. Striving.

It ain’t always pretty.

Because with growth comes pain.  And sometimes reward.  In this space you will find various expressions of those adventures. I ‘m a dyed-in-the-wool film and television geek, a voracious reader, creative cook, mom, wife, daughter, a fledgling actor, a dabbling writer (social commentary, poetry, essays – whatever).  One day you may see a recipe in this space, the next day a photo of some bizarre found-object piece I’ve created, or a review of some obscure film I’ve seen. And hopefully some joy and a few success stories for good measure.  I hope you will find a little common ground here with me.  Share with me your goals, your accomplishments, you struggles, your screw-ups and your successes.

To quote the great George Eliot “It’s never too late to be what you might have been”.